Marriage, marriage, on the rocks…
A few days ago, I received a message from a woman who wrote requesting prayer.
She said that her husband said he didn’t love her any more and that he wanted a
divorce.
Sunday morning, as I was leaving the local radio station, I saw a friend in the
parking lot. He’s a local minister and he had just finished broadcasting his program.
He told me about a couple we both know that has been separated. Apparently, she
has decided that she doesn’t love him any more.
Years ago, a woman I know was cheating with a married man. Her father had a
stern talk with her - even though he was cheating on a his wife at the time, her
mother. His excuse? “She’s really let herself go.” He was no spring chicken.
Perhaps there will be people who read this message who, likewise, have been
entertaining feelings about their own spouse. Maybe you have been in the
receiving end of someone’s decision that they no longer had any need for
you in their lives.
To those who are considering divorce as an option, where children are involved,
all I can say to you is, “Why do you hate your kids so much? Why would you put
them at such a lifelong disadvantage by depriving them of their family? Have they
seen you travailing in prayer on your spouse’s behalf? Have they learned to love
God by watching you?
If there are no children involved, my question is, “When did you become an
Unbeliever?” Surely, anyone who believes in God must also believe that He is well
able to restore that which is broken. We serve a God of miracles. Do you need one?
Yes, it will take work, but in our throw-away society, it seems easier to quickly erase
the matter than to work on it. What a deception. If a relationship is dead, praise
God because He is really into resurrections!
Love is a choice. My wife will tell you that I start almost every day by holding
her in bed and whispering to her the words, “I love you today.” I have grown to
understand the importance of working on my marriage - “polishing the marble
slab of our union,” I call it; watering the plant we call “our covenant.” Though
my wife is VERY easy to love, she’s only human and, with me being equally as
human, we two humans have our moments when we’re simply not as wonderful
as we were while we were courting. So, we have to make the daily CHOICE to love,
just as we must choose to love those whom we are to encounter as the day
progresses.
Sadly, most people don’t want to work at their marriages. Half of all Christian
marriages are ending in divorce. We enter into the thing expecting that our
betrothed is going to meet our needs, kiss it and make it better. Symbolically
speaking, on the honeymoon, most couples approach the marriage bed with a
greasy, stinky sack of garbage on their backs, dump it on the mattress and
unrealistically exclaim to one another, “Here’s my life…fix it!”
Sadly, that’s not a job for any mere mortal, friends. That’s Jesus’ job. My advice
to everyone is to spend the time with Jesus that it takes to clean up the mess
that’s been made of our lives BEFORE we consider entering into a relationship.
Go to counseling, exorcism..whatever it takes! To those who are considering
marriage, after you’ve examined your own life, take a look at that of your potential
partner. If their life is not in order, you’re walking into a minefield. Save yourself
alot of grief. Don’t do it! Not yet anyway.
You may have gathered by now that I hate divorce (God hates divorce, too. Don’t
fret…He loves the divorced. If you’ve been divorced, He isn’t mad at you). Having
been on the receiving end of the matter, yes, I do hate it. I know what it’s like to have
Biblical grounds for divorce, yet wind up on the receiving end of the papers. I know
what it’s like to beg my spouse to go to counseling and hear her say, “What’s
the counselor gonna do…say some magic words to make me love you?”
Love is a choice. It’s a verb - an action words. It’s NOT an emotion. My greatest
concern for the Body of Believers who have been, or are considering, divorce is
this: If anyone would bail out of a relationship because they are basing their love
upon “feelings,” would they bail out on a loving, obedient, self-denying
relationship with God Himself simply because they no longer “feel” His presence?
Let’s face it, how many times do we hear Christians use phrases such as “We
could really feel the presence of God in Church today!” In most cases, that was
merely the decibel levels raising goose bumps. We foolishly link God’s presence
to our own warm, fuzzy feelings, then wonder where He went when our lives are
falling apart.
In college, I was greatly influenced by a committed Christian girl from Sweden. While
the rest of us were partying and doing all sorts of foolish things, she was attending
Bible studies and church meetings. A few years ago, a friend had located her and gave
me her number. I called her and told her I wanted to thank her for the example she set
for me. She laughed at her foolish, impressionable youth and every other word regarding
those early Christian days was a foul one. I was shocked as she referred to those
days through clenched teeth with disdain in her voice. Her life had been tough and
she wondered why God deserted her when she had been so faithful in her “churchy”
duties. I couldn’t minister to her. She had made up her mind.
I have learned that, if we won’t obey our earthly authorities, we’ll never obey a God
we cannot see. I realize now that, if we base our relationships on feelings rather than
choices, we’ll just as easily bail out on God as soon as things stop going our way. This
explains alot of what we’re seeing in the Church today.
Does it explain you? I encourage you to stand for the covenant you made. Though Hell
may bombard your mind with a million reasons why you should file for divorce, seek
God on the matter, for He was part of the covenant you made as well. Don’t allow
yourself to become a statistic. The grass may appear greener on the other side but, I
assure you, it’s astroturf. Don’t be deceived. If you become separated, do so with the
purpose of reconciliation. Seek help. Stick to a program. remember that people are
NEVER the problem; the Problem is the problem. Our battle is not with others; it’s
with demons bent on our destruction. They hate you and your family and the Church
and will do all they can to destroy every covenant relationship. Why? Because they
represent Jesus and his Bride.
Need help? Need counseling? Need prayer? Even if you must remain anonymous,
you can do so by eMail. I counsel people that way all the time.
I’m here to help. More importantly, Jesus is a breath away. just ask.
Every blessing,
Michael Tummillo
A seravnt of God
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