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To the Ladies of Rutgers…and those with ears to hear.

Like everyone else, radio talk show host, Don Imus, has done and said some really dumb things. Fortunately for most of us, our SNAFU’s aren’t shot around the planet for all the world to see.

For the handful who aren’t aware of what Ol’ Don did, and for the benefit of the millions of earthlings who couldn’t give a rat’s tail, in a nutshell, Imus stuck his foot in his mouth while commenting on the Woman’s Rutgers basketball team that lost the NCAA women’s championship game to Tennessee last week. His exact words? He thoughtlessly referred to the Rutgers players as “nappy-headed hoes.”

I’m sure there are many “hoes” out there who might take offense at having their name abused as a term of ridicule. To them, I offer my whole-hearted sympathy. I’m certain that many garden implements and tools take similar offense whenever such terms as “RAKED across the coals” or “SHOVEL down your cereal” are recklessly tossed about in everyday conversation.

Seriously, folks, as a nappy-headed individual myself, perhaps I should be more offended than I am. I’m sorry, but I’m not. In fact, the phrase “nappy headed” always strikes me as funny and I catch myself smiling. Say it three times fast. Go on. Nappy-headed. Nappy-headed. Nappy-headed. It conjures up images of a cute, chubby little nappy-headed boy I used to know.

Me.

That’s right, as a lad of half-Mexican and half-Italian descent, my skin was always a bit browner than most and my hair a bit nappier, too. When I lived in Indiana, being the darkest kid on the playground in an all-white school, I was often called “nigger” by my peers. My closest friends were two Amish boys, both named Curt, a fat kid with glasses and a skinny guy with grey teeth who always had dizzy spells.

Yes, I was called “nigger” and I hated that word. Still do. It wasn’t so much the word itself as the venomous way that my classmates said it to me. Go on. Say THAT three times fast. Nigger. Nigger. Nigger.

Not quite as funny, is it?

Later, I attended a grade school in Zion, Illinois called “West School.” I guess all the President’s names had been taken by other schools. This school, in 1969, was about 85% black. Though my closest neighborhood buddies were a mixture of kids of all races where we all played sports together every day, there were other black kids at West School whose mission, it seemed, was to make the lives of any non-black child a living Hell every day. Not only were the kids physically hurt, including myself, but our young teacher was moved to tears by our unruly class with some regularity. I didn’t understand it. As a child, I loved watching Flip Wilson and Bill Cosby and Sammy Davis, Jr. and I saw how they entertained America. Then I’d see angry black men rioting in the streets of Chicago and the sight made me quite confused.

What did I learn from these childhood experiences? I learned to judge a person, not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character, as Dr. King said. In my 30s, I raised wonderful two black girls for 5 years through their formative teen years and even courted a black woman once. One of the finest families I can remember from high school in El Paso, Texas were the Morgan’s, a black family. I played football with their two sons and they were terrific kids.

What do we do with a man like Mr. Imus? Jesus would have us pray for him - REALLY pray - and then pray for God’s grace to FORGIVE him.

REALLY forgive him. That sums up Christianity in a word, doesn’t it…forgiveness. I’ve found it best to turn the other cheek and smile as God shows Himself - again - to be my Defender.

I was quite impressed with the eloquence of those who spoke at today’s Rutgers press conference, especially Captain Essence Carson. Head coach C. Vivian Stringer said her players “are the best this nation has to offer, and we are so very fortunate to have them at Rutgers University. They are young ladies of class, distinction. They are articulate, they are gifted. They are God’s representatives in every sense of the word.” That lady was sharp!

To those ladies on that Rutgers team, I strongly encourage you NOT to allow people to devalue you by allowing yourselves to GET devalued. That’s right, we have to allow ourselves to ACCEPT these kinds of comments before they can have any impact. We must OWN them for them to have an effect. Like one player, Kia Vaughn, said, “”Unless they’ve given ‘hoe’ a whole new definition, that’s not what I am.”

You got that right, Kia. And that’s my point: nobody can make you something you are not, nor can they take away from us that which we know we are.

We must resist the popular tendency of men like “Reverend” Al Sharpton and “Reverend” Jesse Jackson who have gained their popularity by taking advantage of the low self esteem of devalued masses within the black community by OVER-valuing the stray, senseless comments of insignificant ramblers like Imus who “know not what they do.” Way to go, gents…is that what a Christian minister is supposed to be about? Your efforts would better serve the black community if you would lead your people OUT of the popular “victim” mentality and help them, instead, to find victory through Jesus, the Victor who lives within them.

Girls of Rutgers, you are children of God, made in His image and likeness. Jesus died for you. There’s a world of young people of color who are watching you, taking their cue from how you handle this situation. What the devil intended for evil, God can use it for good…if you LET Him.

So, LET Him, ladies! People everywhere must find their identity in Him and in what the pages of Scripture say about who they are in God’s eyes. Jesus said that in order to find our life we had to lose it. We must be about something bigger than ourselves. Show theworld what you are made of. You were born for such a time as this.

Maybe you don’t play on the Rutgers team. You’re not a woman, you’re not black and your hair is straight as a board. The question is, have you empowered the hurtful actions, attitudes and adjectives of anybody…EVER? We are all receptacles and must deal with what’s been poured in all our lives. Hurt people will hurt people. Criticized people will criticize people. You get the picture.

But loved people will LOVE people and forgiven people will find a way to forgive. Jesus showed His love on a cruel Roman cross and, by letting them kill Him, He made a way for all our selfish sins to be forgiven forever.

Let’s all deal with that before we throw a stone at a guy like Imus.

Every blessing,

Michael Tummillo

A servant of God